My word of the day is 'frustrated'. That's how I feel right now about both work and life, but mostly work. I have been in the Northwest for over six months now. What have I accomplished?
(begin a stream of consciousness that Mrs. Boyte would be proud of...)
I want to shout. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want five students at this university to give a rip about the NCM and what we do. Just five. Is that too much to ask for? I don't even know how to approach the problem anymore. It's six weeks into the quarter. Nobody starts caring about something new six weeks into the quarter. I go out on campus almost everyday, but I can't seem to start the right kinds of conversations. The kinds of conversations that lead to a person saying 'oh yeah, that sounds cool. when do you meet/can i stop by?'. I listen to people try to encourage me that everything will be ok, that I may not be the one that reaps the harvest. At this point, I don't always feel like I'm sowing a seed. I want to understand the students, but I can't seem to crack their code.
I need a plan. I need a new perspective. I need to pray more. I need God to perform a miracle of some sort. Any miracle. I'm not picky.
I want to be able to go to a church outside of the Northwest and be able to describe what God is doing in Seattle with clarity and conviction. I don't want the blank stares of those that don't understand life outside of mega-churches and Southern living anymore. I don't want to hear someone tell me that if I just used the right tract/evangicube/analogy for becoming a Christian that Seattle would suddenly understand what they've been missing out on.
I came to Seattle to make a difference. Where is the difference?
(end of rant)
I'll be okay tomorrow. But for today, my question is 'when will I feel like I'm doing something right?'.
3 comments:
I totally, totally understand how you feel, what you're going through. I felt that way numerous times. I tried to take comfort in the little victories that God allowed me to see. I hope that you'll get some little victories soon that will help encourage you :)
you're right...Mrs. Boyte (or, Boy-ot, in Jon language) would be many much proud! No COH written on that!
Just as Paul encouraged the Philippians, may I also encourage you with this promise: "And I am sure that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Ph 1;6). Also, remember that God's Word shall not return void -- it will accomplish what it was sent to do (forgot the ref for that one). We are the salt and the light of the world (Jesus, in John) so keep on shakin' the salt and shinin' yer light, even when it seems futile. Your Father sees where you are, knows what you are doing, and He will bless, in His timing and in His way. Our prayers join with you as you continue your service to Him. -kman
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