Lindsay in Ministry

I've been struggling a lot lately with the question of the role of women in the church and, especially, ministry. This isn't a new struggle. This question has been bouncing around in my mind since I was a teenager and felt my own personal call to ministry.

God pulled me kicking and screaming into this world called ministry. I was well on my way to bigger and better things. When I finally realized that there wasn't anywhere that I could run to hide from God, I gave in. My prayer was "Okay God. If this is really what you want me to do, fine. Have it your way." Despite my somewhat bitter prayer, the moments following were filled with some of the greatest joy I have ever known. I was finally focused on God again and I knew what he wanted from me.

My joy quickly turned into pain though. When I told people about my new found call, I was met with hesitation. "Are you sure that you're not going to change your mind?" "Oh, you mean that you're going to marry a missionary and help him." "You know that you can't be ordained, right?" These were my first warning signs that I was stepping onto rocky territory.

I think that the true pain came in college when I realized for the first time that there really were men that had problem with women teachers. I had friends that left our college Bible study class because they let women teach from time to time. I was told to my face that if there was even one Christian man in the room that the women should defer to that man. When I started researching seminaries within my denomination, I learned that women could only receive certain degrees at some of them (mostly degrees having to do with Christian education or counseling). I felt insulted by this (especially when one seminary had the verses supporting their stance wrong on their website).

That being said, I have no ambitions of being ordained. That's just not where God has called me at this point in my life. But that doesn't negate the question: what is the Biblical answer to a woman's role in the church? What if one day I do decide that God wants me to plant a church? Even if I have prayed through the whole decision, is it sinful and not of God?

I've read both sides of the argument (with both sides making excellent points). I've read the Bible and begged God to show me the answer. I've ended up more confused than ever before. I believe in absolute truth. There has to be a right answer. What is it? Is it the complementarian view that says that women are useful to the church, just not as pastors or deacons or is it the egalitarian view that basically says that the Holy Spirit calls out both males and females?

God, would you please open up the skies and tell me the answer? There's just too much pain and uncertainty.