And then there was a hurricane...

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First, thank you to everyone that expressed concern for me, and New Orleans in general, when Isaac blew through last week. It was a crazy week that was full of firsts.

I experienced my first hurricane evacuation. When we thought that the storm was going to hit Alabama or Mississippi, most people in the city had decided to stay. Then, it turned toward New Orleans and we all had to make decisions about what to do. Something that a lot of people that have never lived in the area don't know is that there is something about moving to New Orleans that makes a person think "I will not be moved" when they know that a hurricane is coming. I have that spirit in me, but I have a stronger love of electricity. So, while I admire those who were brave enough to stay in New Orleans and deal with power outages and dangerous weather, I know my limits. My roommates and I got out of town and away from the storm. (Really, I can't go long with A/C before I'm too crabby to be around.) We left Monday night after we all got off work and didn't return until Friday afternoon when we were fairly certain that our apartment had reliable power.

I experienced my first truly frightening voicemail. While our apartment did well within the protection of the storm wall, one of my friends did not fair as well. They had a house in one of the towns that you probably saw covered in water on the TV. When I woke up Wednesday morning, I had a voicemail from my friend that they left at 3:30 in the morning telling me that water was coming in their house and that they were driving to higher ground. They asked that I let others know so that they could pray. Nothing describes the feeling of not knowing if someone that you care about is safe or not. Through a series of calls and text messages, I learned that my friend was safe and, later that day, that they were rescued by the National Guard. The house ended up getting 13 feet of water, but I still thank God that material possessions were all that were lost.

I am experiencing my first cleanup. It's an experience living in a city after a major natural disaster. Even though our apartment had power, most of the city did not have it until this week. I have dealt with downed branches in the road and broken traffic lights. (You haven't experienced a four-way stop until you've done it at a major intersection in New Orleans.) I'm trying to do my part to return things back to normal by cleaning up and going back to work at one of the only restaurants that opened the day after the storm. I'll continue to do my best to be a source of support for those who are physically and emotionally exhausted from seeing their lives turned upside down in a few short hours.

Update on a Busy Life

So, July was...umm...let's just say busy. At the end of June, I left my job at the school and found a full-time job at Panera Bread. It's a brand new store that opened on July 17th, so on July 1, I figured out I had a little free time on my hands until training started on July 9th. So, like all homesick people who have time to kill, I made a trip to see my family and friends. It was relaxing, refreshing, and fun. Plus, I got to see a view like this, which I can't really get in New Orleans.

I also saw my mom's side of the family on the 4th of July. That just made it all the better. I haven't been home for the 4th in years, and was glad to get to be a part of it this year.

As I mentioned earlier, Panera Bread opened on July 17th. We had training the entire week before the store opened, but I don't think that anyone was prepared for the amount of people that were going to show up. Apparently, opening the first store of a popular chain in a state makes people go crazy. We had record-breaking sales the first few days we were opened, which means that we made A LOT of food. I worked on opening day, and I was exhausted by the time my shift was over. Thankfully, I had a dinner date with an awesome couple I know from school. They got me these Happy Opening Day earrings to cheer me up. All I can say is that God knew that I needed friends like them to help get me through my remaining time in New Orleans.

On the church planting front, things have been a little more slow going. I'm starting to understand what that church planter in Toronto meant when he said that church planting is really just managed bi-polar. There are really high highs and really low lows. I don't dare to even think I've peaked on either end of that spectrum, but there are good days and there are bad days.

The good things that have happened: (1) my church in Tennessee set up a fund more me so I can know start asking people to give financially to church planting in Seattle, (2) I found a really good resource that is helping me figure out the other things that need to be done in order to make Seattle a reality, (3) I have already had people seek me out to find out how they can help support me.

The bad things: (1) I haven't received the desired response from some of the avenues I have pursued for funding, (2) Work leaves me tired and without the energy to get much accomplished on days I work. Thankfully, I have two days off a week, which I use to my advantage to get things done.

So, there's July for you. I saw family, I started a new job, and I launched my support efforts for Seattle. I'll be starting a new blog in the future that is dedicated to things related to my church planting, but I still plan to keep RainRamblings around. I'll let you know when that happens...Probably on my next day off :)

Hero

The message above is one that I've been hearing a lot lately. I guess I started paying attention to being the hero of my story when I read Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. In the book, he wrote about the fact that no one in their right mind wants to read about a guy who works all the time to buy a car, and then gets it and starts working to get something else. People read books and watch movies to hear about a tale of struggle and victory, either physically or emotionally, or usually both. Miller encourages his readers to be the heroes of their stories by getting out there and doing something that is worth writing a book about.

I agree that people need to get out there and do things with their lives that are bigger than themselves. That's why I like to travel. Being in unfamiliar places makes me feel like I'm living the kind of adventure that I want to read about.

But what I've been realizing more and more lately is that I'm not the hero of my own life's story. I'm just not capable of filling that role. And I'm okay with that because I've got a God who constantly whispers in my ear, "Let me be the hero of your story." In my own power, I can't change even one person in New Orleans or Seattle. Heck, I can't even change myself (believe me I've tried), but thankfully God has been doing that for me since I invited him to one Sunday night in 1999.

Last Fall, I had to preach a sermon for a class on Joshua 5:13-15. The main conclusion that I came to is that you have to let God be the hero of your story. Joshua and the Israelites couldn't have knocked down the walls of Jericho on their own. They had God's army with them doing the real fighting. Samson, pre- or post-haircut, couldn't have brought down the house without God giving him the strength. David couldn't have been undefeated in battle. Solomon wouldn't have had his wisdom and riches. Jeremiah wouldn't have known that people were threatening to take his life. Not to mention New Testament examples like Peter, Paul and Silas, and John. The whole Bible is one big example of people who (usually) got out of their own way and let God be the hero of their story. (Try reading that Bible with that in mind. It'll give you a whole new perspective on those stories about mighty men and women doing mighty things.)

So, when I have doubts about my abilities to do something, especially in relation to church planting, I try to remember that it's not my talents or strengths that are going to win the day or change lives. I simply can't fill the role of hero, and quite frankly, that's a huge relief.

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). 

Happy Friday

I've been concentrating on the future so much lately I feel like I have forgotten to celebrate the present (or in today's case, the recent past). So, in that spirit, here are some pictures from my recent vacation to Seattle and my hometown. 

It wouldn't be a trip to Seattle without going to the University District Farmers' Market. I used to walk there every Saturday to do some shopping and enjoy the atmosphere. 

I was excited that I chance to wear my cute cold-weather socks while I was in Seattle since I never get to wear them in New Orleans. I sent this picture to my wonderful friend who bought them for me.

While walking to lunch one day, I came across this little guy. He wasn't shy at all. He saw me and kept on drinking, giving me a chance to take several blurry photos.

Aww...Stumptown Coffee. I heart you too.

After Seattle, I went home for a few days. My parents took me to the lake one afternoon. Here's my mom looking beautiful as always.

We spent at least five minutes watching this squirrel near the lake. I'm still not totally convinced  it was a squirrel since it's face was so weird.

I snuck into the honors center at my alma mater and sat in the courtyard for a little while. I was happy to see that "The Little Scholar" is still holding down the fort.

The Monday after I got home, my office had a belated birthday party for me. I got to participate in the amazing New Orleans tradition of having dollar bills pinned on me to celebrate. I racked up enough money to eat out :)

Happy Friday!

The Plan

Today, I was eating my lunch of leftover Angel Hair Pasta with Eggplant-Tomato Sauce outside and realized that I was sitting on the same bench that I sat on over three years ago when I came to visit campus for the first time, staring at roughly the same view I had then.

I was at a point of decision then, much like I am today. Last time I left you, I was on my way to Seattle to find out what might await me there. Here's what happened: I walked around a lot, I went swing dancing with friends, I talked to a few wise people, and I found a position on a church planting team :)

Now, when I say "position," don't think of anything that pays money, because it doesn't. The way that my denomination now does church planting requires the church planter to come up with a majority, if not all, of their money on their own. "The Plan" as it stands right now is to stay in New Orleans until December and then move to Seattle in January after I have had time to raise some funds. Once I'm in Seattle, I'll find a job in a coffee shop or other place where I can plug myself in to community life. I will keep you updated on specifics as soon as I know specifics.

Since June 1, it's been a weird, winding journey. I didn't have a position, and then I found one in a way that was unexpected. I thought I had things financially worked out, and then I didn't. Every day brings something new and different, and "The Plan" gets tweaked a little with every new piece of information. There are days that I'm frustrated and just want to cry, and then there are days when optimism abounds. The church planters I met in Toronto weren't kidding when they warned us that church planting makes people feel bi-polar.

Yesterday, a friend reminded me of a song that they sing at preview weekends and special events at my school. I think that it expresses the attitude that I pray that I maintain no matter how many times "The Plan" changes.

Graduation

So, I graduated a few weeks ago. You know, no big deal. It just took up every waking moment of the last three years of my life...Really, though, I'm really stinkin' excited that I finally have my Master of Divinity (in urban missions, if you want to get really specific). For those who couldn't be there for my big day, here's how it went:

I woke up, got ready, and went over to my parent's hotel room so that they could help me get in my graduation get-up. Those graduations hoods are deceptively simple-looking. We took pictures until I saw what time it was and rushed out the door.

I'm somewhere near the back of that big mass of people. They put all the missions people last.

The family after graduation. 

"Yep, they actually put it in there. Isn't it pretty?"

I took lots of pictures with professors and friends. These are two of the first friends I made when I moved to New Orleans. I knew that both before they started dating and I got to be in their wedding...They are part of many awesome stories I'll get to tell my kids one day.

While my family was ordering pizza at a local restaurant, I went to my friend C's house to pick up the cupcakes she made for my special day. In one word: Amazing!

At the end of the day, I gave my dad his very own diploma, which I had signed by the president, registrar (who was very impressed by how real it looked), and graduate dean. He deserved it since he proofread and formatted almost every paper I wrote in graduate school. 

I'm still getting used to the idea of being a graduate. Right now, it just feels like I'm on summer vacation. Everybody asks what's next. The answer, as of right now, is: I don't have any definite plans for the future. I know what I would like to do, and I need to find the right people who will let me do it.  In the meantime, this is where I'm going tonight. Maybe the lack of concrete future plans will change soon...

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More Than a Bird

Credit: Mom

So, if you couldn't tell from my last post, I've been a little anxious lately. Well, actually, a lot anxious lately. It goes beyond not taking a Sabbath and being behind in school. I realized a couple days ago that I only have two more months in grad school. Can you believe it? Two months, and then I'm done. I'll have a Master of Divinity with all its responsibilities and privileges, or whatever they say when they confer degrees on you.

That means two months to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I know that I want to be a church planter. God has been gracious enough to give me that much information. I just don't know where or with whom. This week I've talked to several church planting strategists and planters from across the country. I still don't have a strong leaning in any direction, well, maybe one direction, but we'll talk about that later if it pans out. In two months, I'll be homeless and jobless, and I feel like I have to figure it all out today.

Then, I was reading my friend's blog this afternoon and she was talking about her own struggles with life after graduation. Her words made me think of these words:

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, not about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:24-35, ESV).

I hear that Jesus was a pretty smart guy. So, while I won't stop thinking about the future and what it might hold, I'm not going to be anxious. God knows that I need food and a place to live and a car that runs and money to pay for it all. He's got it worked out. I just need to continue focusing on the important things like growing in my relationship with God and helping others to do the same. I pray that this week you will also focus on what is most important, knowing that God provides for those who seek him.

Sabbath

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During the season of Lent, my church is going through a series on spiritual disciplines. I thought that would be a great idea until one of the messages hit me between the eyes...and it was only the first sermon in the series. This Sunday Pastor J talked about Sabbath. And I tried my best not to hyperventilate because I knew I needed a break, but just didn't know when I was going to fit one in. 

The reason that I haven't been writing lately is because I've bitten off more than I can chew. In my gusto to graduate in May, I signed up for all the classes I need to graduate plus a couple more that set me up for being appointed by my denomination if I ever want to go that direction. Sixteen hours of grad school classes (3 of which is a church planting internship) is just a lot. I don't like admitting it to myself or others, but I'm constantly exhausted, stressed, and ready to just give up most of the time. And it's because I don't take the time to take a break in order to be refreshed by God (and I just generally have poor time management skills sometimes).

I've told myself the lie that I'm too busy to stop, and I have the feeling that I'm not alone in this. We've been brought up in a culture that tells us that "the busier, the better." But God tells us to take time just to know that He is and that He is the one who provides us with the grace to get through the week. I guess it comes down to being counter-cultural and trusting God that He will provide everything we need to accomplish our tasks during the other six days of the week.

Take Two

Two years ago, I attended this conference called Greenhouse which presented the basic ideas behind 'organic churches.' If you go back and look at my post about that night, I had some good things to say about it, but overall I wasn't the biggest fan. I think part of that had to do with the people chosen to train us, and also, to be fair, my own mindset at the time.

With that in mind, I signed up for Greenhouse again. I went the the first part tonight. This time I'm learning from two of the guys that helped start Church Multiplication Associates, which is pretty cool in itself. It's like a whole different experience, maybe because we go off on so many tangents that it really is different material.

I don't know where I'm really going with this other than to say that this weekend I'm giving organic church a second chance, and it may be an idea whose time has come in my personal life. Next week, after everything is said and done, I'll give you some highlights. Until then, have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the change in weather.

What Makes Me Sad

Yesterday, I told you something I love about New Orleans. Today, I'll tell you about something that pierces to my soul about living in New Orleans. The image above is the current 2011 murder map for metro New Orleans. Each one of those red flags represents a person, made in the image of God and therefore of immeasurable value, who is no longer with us.

As much as I love this city, life seems very cheap here. This extends from the way that we drive (like we're trying out for NASCAR) to the way that we choose not to think about what's happening on Bourbon Street any given night of the year. I just get tired of reading the news every morning only to learn that someone else was shot, stabbed, or raped.

How did we get here and how can we stop it? I wish there was a quick and easy solution, but there's not.

I'm convinced, though, that any solution needs to include the Gospel. I love because I was loved first. Others don't love because they don't know what real love is. 

Blues Fest

One of my favorite things about living in New Orleans is the chance to listen to amazing music...for free. After lunch on Saturday, my friend S. and I went down to the Quarter to celebrate the fact that we made it to Fall Break without dropping out of school with a little window shopping. Just on the walk from the car to Jackson Square we heard no less than four bands/musicians playing on the street or sidewalk. And as if the Quarter wasn't enough for our musical needs, we went over to Lafayette Square in the CBD to listen to music at the Crescent City Blues and BBQ Festival. We sat in the grass, eating pralines and talking about life, to the backdrop of soulful music. New Orleans is spoiling me.

Running

Thank you to the Healthy Body Project on Facebook for this mental image.

As I was jogging last night, this picture kept popping into my head. That's it. Nothing special or spiritual behind it. I thought I would just share a smile today. Toodles!

Jordan

One year ago today, I was here.

I can't believe that it's been a full year since I went to Jordan. I remember most of it like it was yesterday. My favorite memories include:

• Seeing my friends and their daughters for the first time in a year. They were a big part of my life during my first semester in New Orleans. I still miss them. 
• Walking around the shopping area of Amman and people watching.
• Going to Petra. It was stinking hot and I just wanted to collapse and give up near the end of the day, but it was an adventure that I don't regret. Expect for the handsy horse guy. I wish I had kicked him. 
• Standing at the top of Mount Nebo and channeling my inner-Moses. Reading about the end of Moses' life will never be the same. 
• Taking pictures of the sunset from the roof of the apartment building we were staying at during the evening call to prayer.

I loved Jordan and feel like I might be going back there someday. I just hope it's soon.

Beyond Joy

My friend V was baptized tonight! 

V coming out of the water.

V stepping out with the biggest smile I have ever seen on her face.

I met V when I started working for a coffee shop in New Orleans. Our first day working together was kind of rough. Looking back, I probably deserved all the means glares and brisk words she threw at me. But we got along after that. I started praying for V not long after I met her. I had a feeling that God had something in store for her and didn't want to get in the way of that. Even after I got a new job, I kept going to the coffee shop on Sundays to talk to V for a few minutes.

After Easter, I started attending a new church. One Sunday I mentioned to V that I was coming to the coffee shop earlier on Sundays because I changed churches. As I was sitting there doing my homework, she asked about the details. Turns out that she had been thinking about how she needed to start taking her daughter to church. My church's night schedule worked out for her and she promised she would come check it out.

The first night that she came we were meeting in a yoga studio that had air-conditioning problems. Summer in New Orleans is not pleasant without cool air constantly being blown on you. As I sat there V's first night at church in seven years, I knew for sure she was never going to come back. I was committed to the church and I was having a hard time convincing myself to return until they had AC again. I braced myself for her to tell me that she hated it and would never return. But she came back the next Sunday. And the Sunday after that. And then she started asking questions. And then she joined a community group. And then she professed Jesus as Lord. And tonight she got baptized.

V is a new person. Talking to her even feels different than it did a month ago. And it is all God's doing. As I told someone tonight, God is the one who had it out for her. All I did was pray and tell her what time to show up for church.

Pray for V as she starts her new life in Christ. 

Happy (Belated) Anniversary

My parents have been married 30 years this year! 

Today, we are talking about our families of origin in class. Sitting there listening to everyone, I realized how lucky I am to have two wonderful parents. Here are some things I appreciate about them:

• They promised my sister and I very early that they would never get divorced, and they stuck to that promise.
• They made sure that we spent time together as a family. Looking back, those discussion of the dinner table and family vacations have been some of my favorite memories.
• They have both gone above and beyond their parental duties to make sure that I succeed in life.
• They loved me unconditionally, even when I wasn't very loveable (a.k.a. the teenage years). 
• They instilled many traits that I value today: humility, loyalty, confidence, and a sense of humor, just to name a few.

Mom and Dad, I love you and I wish you another wonderful 30 years.

Fantasy vs. Imagination

This week I have been taking a class on worship from a leadership perspective. We've covered everything from how to pray in public to major musical movements of the past two centuries. Even though I've been dreading this class all summer, I have to say that it has been one of my favorite classes in seminary thus far. Since I've been going to this class all day everyday for a week, I think I'll be unpacking all the information I've heard for the next year. At least.

Today, we talked a little about the difference between fantasy and imagination. Maybe I'm not a deep enough thinker, but I've never really sat down to think about the difference. Fantasy is personal. It's what I want for me. The world we live in is good at encouraging and fulfilling fantasies. Cities like Las Vegas base their economy on the human need to fulfill fantasy. Not all fantasies are bad. They can help set goals at times, but a person that spends too much time daydreaming fantasies becomes narcissistic and is generally not a pleasant person to be around.

Imagination, on the other hand, has to do more with society. We imagine how we want things to be, how they should be, how they can be. Imagination put to the test becomes reality. Someone imagined the light bulb and now I can stay up until all hours of the night reading for school (or, more likely, watching TV).

This is the kicker though: not all imagination is good either. There is carnal and sacred imagination. Carnal imagination says something like this: "I will experience as wide of a variety of situations as I can in order to take in every stimulus possible, then I will see what comes out." The problem is that carnal imagination can ultimately lead to the destruction and distortion of beauty. If you've ever walked through an art gallery and seen images that struck you as not quite right, you'll understand what I'm saying. If you've studied the Holocaust, you've seen the very real results of someone's carnal imagination on a global scale.

Sacred imagination, on the other hand, says "I will take in things that are beautiful and good, the things that Jesus would like, and see what happens." This kind of imagination leads to paintings you want to stare at all day, music that moves you to tears, books that you can't seem to put down, and the best solution to problems. The things that come out are things that Jesus would like.

My point? I was sitting there in class wondering about my sacred imagination. If I immersed myself in those things that are beautiful, that honor Christ, whether it be books, music, or that after-school program down the street, what would come out? What solutions to problems would God plant in my imagination?

Understand this: I don't want to turn a blind eye, in the name of focusing on beauty, to the very real problems that surround me. That would be escapism, which is a plague among Christians and ticks God off. But what if we made an effort to take in beautiful things and spend some time with the One who made beauty itself? What divine things would come out?

The Life Lived

What does living life to its fullest mean? I have a sneaking suspicion that it looks different for everyone. Tonight what I've been contemplating is what it looks like for me. Does it mean traveling the world, seeing all the beautiful sights and never really rooting myself in one place? Or does it mean settling down and raising a family, investing my life in a very intimate way in someone else's? Does it even have to be a either/or?

For my parents, for my sister, it looks like the second option. Not that they don't enjoy traveling and experiencing new things, but they are very much grounded in their respective areas, grounded in their own groups of friends. They have definite goals and a clear(ish) picture of how to get there. And I pray and ask if that is where my life is heading, but I don't get an answer. I get a big nothing. Or I get a big "Wait." I like to be prepared. I want to know what life lived to the fullest means for me and feel like I'm going to miss out on it if I don't know what it is ahead of time.

I know that I won't. God has always been too faithful for that to happen. But that doesn't stop the need to know. To search it out. To wonder if my actions are leading to that life well-lived.

Just a passing thought.

Saturday Nothing

I just finished writing a book critique on The Last Word by N.T. Wright. It's a small book that packs a big punch. There's not a page in that book that failed to give me something to think about. To spare you the pain of hearing me try to digest everything here, I'll give you the bottom line. Wright understands the Bible as a story that God works through in order to bring about the redemption of the world. It's a five-act play of creation, fall, Israel, Jesus, and the church, with a special sneak peek for a new play that's starting when this one is over.

The climax of our current story came in the fourth act, Jesus. The climax came during the three day period we're observing right now. Yesterday was Good Friday. Some call it Dark Friday. I choose not to. I call it good because of my favorite bit of imagery: the tearing of the veil in the Temple. God tore the veil because he wanted everyone to have unlimited access to him, not just one priest one day a year. Friday was good because God is now truly with us in every way.

Today is Saturday. My friend Josh has a blog called Saturday Nothing. The title comes from this very day. The day that nothing happened. Jesus was still in the tomb. The disciples were still distraught and trying to figure out what they were going to do now that their Messiah was gone. In my mind, today is the dark day. Today was the day where everything had changed but nobody knew it yet. Hope postponed.

Tomorrow is Resurrection Day. The day when every Christian should not be able to stop smiling. It's the day we found out the story has shifted. A new act has begun. Life will never be the same again.

Muses

(A friend and I after the Muses parade.)

A picture taken by my cell phone cannot convey the amount of fun that I had last night. I attended one of the most popular Mardi Gras parades, Muses, with some friends from school. Muses is the only all-female krewe (said like "crew") and their specialty throw is decorated shoes. Yes, high-heeled shoes. I didn't get a shoe (because I'm not assertive enough to get one), but I did get the 2011 strand of beads.

I've learned that contrary to the belief of tourists, attending a parade is not about getting all the beads you can. Instead, it's about getting the special beads you can't buy at the store and other items that can serve as a witness that you were there.

I also learned that you never bend down to pick something up off the ground while a float is going by. It's a good way to get your fingers crushed (I didn't do this personally). All you have to do to lay claim to something on the ground is to step on it and pick it up between floats. A big thanks to my boss for letting me know this one before bodily damage was done.

Floats, marching bands, prizes. Mardi Gras, done family-style, is just plain fun.

Processing

Yesterday a tragedy hit my seminary family. One of our students, who is a year younger than me, collapsed and died while jogging around campus. He was in perfect shape and they're guessing he died almost instantly from an aneurysm. He left a wife who is 23. They got married last year.

I didn't know this student personally. We had classes together and we said hi to each other on the sidewalk, the normal stuff you do everyday. I found out about his death from one of my friends who happened to be nearby when he collapsed. She did CPR on him along with several other people, but he never woke up. As any sane person would, she's having a tough time processing what happened. She knows that aneurysms are fatal and that she did everything she could, but she can't make her heart believe it. My heart breaks for her. I cry for her. All I can do is be there for her and offer her cookies. This is the stuff they need to teach you in seminary. How to help a friend who tried to save a man's life but was unsuccessful.

Today our professors switched into counselor mode. The good thing about going to school at a seminary is that everybody on staff is trained to help. It's what they live for. More than anything else, right now we are acutely aware of our own mortality. The saving grace is while we might be afraid of the unknown, we are not afraid of dying. We know how the story ends.

I don't know why I'm writing this for the world to see. I just know that they say that getting your thoughts out there helps. Please be praying. Please be safe.

P.S. If you want to read the article on what happened, there is a story on my denomination's news website.